She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
