she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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