I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He shit in the fireplace
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
