I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then he peed in my hair
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