I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
