you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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