Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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