new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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