HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
