He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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