so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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