I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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