Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
