as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
