New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
