You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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