no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
