I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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