i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My feet surprised me
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