I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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