Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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