go do what you do best...puke behind churches
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
