i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
