Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
