Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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