I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had sex on a roof
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
