Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You are a genius and a whore.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
