I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
