why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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