Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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