the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
