my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize