I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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