True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
