At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they're like a gay fantastic four
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
