I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
