I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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