Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You need Xanax blowdarts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
