I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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