matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
