Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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