I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
