I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
