My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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