Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ugly people sure do ruin things
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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