im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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