Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
