The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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