Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
