the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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