you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
