Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
