I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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