oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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