i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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