I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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