I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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