Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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