he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
