this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
