Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
