Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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