loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he fucked my hip out of place.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
