i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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