I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
