Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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