There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone signed my nipple.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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