hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
