So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
