I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
