i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
