I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
