Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
