shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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