well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
